Is there a time for love? I wonder. Yes there is. I confirm. There is that definite moment when a special someone comes into your life and sweeps you off your feet. There is a time when the rains seem much more than drops of water. There is a time when the night beholds much more than the appearance of stars. And when the chill in the air asks for more than the warmth of your duvet. Yup! This is the time when you are in love, in romance, midst fragrance and fantasy. The world suddenly changes. No, it becomes very beautiful.
I recently read a book “I too had a love story”. It’s a true story of love and loss. A simple, honest and touching narration. The author evoked every single memory of my own courtship, that racing heart before the first date, those night to dawn phone calls, those countless loving names you christen each other with and that intense urge just to be with each other forever. It’s like the rest of the world suddenly ceases to matter and your entire thought process revolves around that one person. Unfortunately, the author is denied the opportunity to spend his life with his loved one as he loses her in a fatal accident. His heart aching despair and grief is easily evident in his words. Fortunately, I am married and living with the man of my dreams.
However, after spending considerable time in my marriage and with my loved one, I again happen to ask myself a question “Is there a time for love?” Yes there is. But to put it subtly, now comes the time for prosaic love the poetic love kind of takes leave. It is only natural. In time, the night really beholds only an hour of t.v. together and a good night’s sleep and the rain is really only pouring water. But mind you prosaic love is typically comforting. There is no pressure to please or impress each other and no worry of being judged.
No matter how exciting and romantic your courtship and dating might seem and may have been, it does not continue at the same level in a marriage forever which is normal. Marriage is not about always being passionate and overjoyed together. I feel marriage is a cumbersome and contrite word because we have fixed ideas and role play about being married and affirming to it is taxing. In fact, I am tempted to say that marriage is many a time an overrated concept but companionship is not. As a couple my husband and I have differences between us but as companions we are still each other’s best friends and critics. That is exactly why a relationship independent of a name always feels more fun and less fatigue.
There is a chronological order for every phase of love. Time gives way to the change in phase, changes in feelings and its manifestation and most importantly changes in responsibilities and circumstances. And resenting the change is not very helpful rather idiocy. When I compare my first wedding anniversary celebration to my sixth, there is a lot of difference. By our sixth we skipped the routine of cards, flowers and surprise gifts but I still wanted my hair to fall silkily on my shoulder, I wanted my kohled eyes to twinkle and catch his attention. Basically I did still want to look ravishing to him that night.
And then when I compare my anniversary to my parents’, there is further a lot of difference. After all those years of being married they find all and any manifestation unnecessary, the companionship alone is special and celebratory. I call it the time for seasoned love.
So there comes a time for poetic love, prosaic love and seasoned love but the thread of thoughtfulness has to run through all these times always because that’s what makes the relationship desirable at any time.