Oh well, let me tell you this write up will have a lot of you interested, or so is my guess, because it has all the key words like marriage, relationship, companions, etc, which attracts a lot of non-readers too. Shortly, I went on a purely shopping trip, courtesy my younger brother’s forthcoming wedding. And I thoroughly enjoyed the Kolkata shopping extravaganza with indulgent dollops of lip-smacking street-food. However, the pre-wedding processes have me thinking about post-marriage lives.
Needless to say, that my younger brother’s wedding totally excites me as a sister. And the fact that it’s really the first love marriage in my immediate family, makes it a tad more interesting. Getting married for love, I totally love the idea. Yeah, it might sound anachronistic where marriage is definitely losing its ground conceptually and really to more convenient and practical arrangements. But I still don’t think it’s such an outmoded or anti-climax concept, even after considering everything that happeconsequences.ew years of happily married life. And though I am no authority on any subject, I know enough because I have been married for a long time now.
What I personally think or feel is irrelevant and I aren’t talking about specifics here. Let’s talk about the generic trends of our times. A very vital fact is that no marriage or relationship by far can retain the same amount of excitement and wonderfulness of the initial years. The novelty of it is bound to wane. As the years pass by, the monotony of it catches up, rather becomes routine.
Then arise situations of non-spousal attractions, distractions and fidelity. The perception of fidelity is very open to subjective and to an extent gender biased interpretations, so there’s no point commenting on what is right or wrong or acceptable. It’s just sensible to accept that questions about it do come up and people are dealing with it in their own ways. However, it’s quite interesting to note that such flirtatious straying or coquettish attractions (not talking of full blown parallel affairs here) don’t happen because couples are unhappily married or have incompatible partners. It happens to a great number of happily married and content people.
So then why does it happen? Because we are fickle humans and new things attract us, excite us, gratify us but old things comfort us. People share great companionship, sensual intimacy, loud laughters and a solid support system with their spouses but after good many years that bit of tingling attention, zesty freshness and tantalizing spiciness comes from another face. It’s reflective in our daily demeanour. You want to have your best hair day, look your sexiest self and be your charming best when out on those first few dates with anyone including your spouse. However, years later with that same person, you don’t care to comb out your hair, don’t mind looking somewhat flabbier or mangy, worry about being your crankiest worst or scream your opinions out without being judged. Well, some might say that that happens out of disinterest in your partner or taking them for granted over the years. But I think an aged marriage or relationship rather gives you the amazing freedom to really be yourself, to be uninhibited in your expression without consequences. To be in that comfort zone where hair and attires don’t matter anymore and you live assured that those daily tiffs will resolve out naturally.
At the same time, you still want to look impressive and be your dapper best when in the company of others you are physically or mentally attracted to especially if its mutual. The new attention, the new distraction, the new connect, the new compliments, are all too provoking and enticing. You want to keep foot- tapping on that risqué rhapsody, somewhat straying at the corners and knotting-in in the glimmering gossamer fabric of pleasure. While, hoping and believing that your old comfort and support zone remains intact and unaltered. Basically, you want the best of both worlds. Who doesn’t? Some do succeed; others might not be that lucky.
Now, whether or not it is acceptable, fair, right, wrong, inappropriate or hurtful is another debatable and controversial topic, which I would refrain from here because my personal views are immaterial. What is important is that we are talking about it, acknowledging it and understanding that it happens across societies. However, something happening widely doesn’t necessarily legitimize itself. It probably only comforts you that you aren’t alone in this grey shaded pleasure phenomenon trending upwards.
Coming back to my brother’s wedding, it is the most anticipated moment for them right now as was for most of us back then and will be for others in the future. And it should be so in all rightness. What happens or doesn’t happen in the post wedding years should have absolutely no bearing on that beautiful moment when you decide to immerse and share yourself physically, mentally and emotionally in all honesty with the one you feel makes you whole.
A dozen married years later I know it all exists – the beauty of love, the joy of marriage and the flutter of those veiled attractions.