The beauty of life is in the fact that it makes you experience breath, growth and evolution. Had it been a string of standstill and solitude moments, it would lose much of its charm and magic. People are at the heart of our world who define the sphere of our character and lives. Travel, art, literature, sports, economy, wars, conquests, all happen because people inspire and influence each other constantly. Nature in its benign calm is soothing, in its wrath is demonic and in its functioning is mysterious; but it is people like us who give each other the high of relevance and relations, an awareness of the head and the heart.
As we came into the world, our family was the opening scene to make and understand bonds. Gradually we stepped out; the circle of interactions grew, first slowly then rapidly as we turned into adults. We found people and they found us. Of all these familiar bonds made, we of course know which ones are fake, formed for mutual favours and manipulations. Of the rest, some exist with indifference; others are for mutual fun, good times and hallelujah. But there are those genuine ones, winnowed and chafed from the clutter which we foster, nurture and treasure. If these connections are destined or chanced is really irrelevant. Because whatever be the genesis, it is time, trust and a tacit acceptance of each other which takes them to the next level.
The remarkable part of these genuine relationships is that they can be numerous and each will be very distinct from the other. With some you just laugh your heart out, do crazy stuff, with others you simply sit and talk, talk from dusk to dawn about life, love, lust and everything in between, with others you share your secrets and fears, from some you seek advice and guidance, others are your fall back cushion, you know they’ll watch your back always, somebody makes your heart throb instead of just beat, and with somebody you just melt away being yourself. Of course in some relationships the dynamics are overlapping. That one single connection takes care of a lot of variables but never all. You will find yourself sharing specific things with specific people. We unconsciously compartmentalize and sync our emotions with various individuals. For every need there is someone different. And this is the largess of our lives, a boon. A circle that has no sharp corners.
This circle interestingly explains that you and I as individuals are extremely complex and have layers of varied personalities and characteristics within ourselves. We aren’t apparently aware of these multiple wavelength needs but somehow fulfill it very well. When you experience a particular emotion – could be joy, fear, excitement, success, depression, anything, you exactly know the first person to call up. And this selection happens naturally, spontaneously, seamlessly with time. But the variables of any relationship are extremely bustling and active. They are ever changing, either flourishing or withering. So it is very naive of us to assume or say that this one particular relationship of mine will be unchanged or unscathed forever. The circle of people alters and evolves.
Every kind of relationship needs time, tender care, effort and proximity. And when one or the other changes in the wrong ratio, the bond begins to wilt away quietly. Sometimes it doesn’t die or disconnect just reinvents in a different or less intimate way. New buddies take the place of old chums, best friends become lets-catch-up-someday pals, more than friends become just friends, companions become acquaintances. That’s life, you move on. You sometimes sit back and reflect, even rue but you don’t recriminate.
When I started writing this piece, I had no inkling that it would veer to this question, but somehow it just occurred and seems fitting to put across now. We can comprehend and digest the fact that we are evolving individuals who change their relationship equations and wavelengths with time, and consequently make new connections and unmake previous ones. This is absolutely alright, no gossip, no taboo and no shame. Just natural circulation of people in our lives. But in the course of time if we might outgrow the bond with our spouse, may not share the same companionship, and might not find each other in a common head space; should it be such an outrageous affair? After all we are the same evolving individuals of flesh, blood and grey matter. So why is this such an outlawed and disgraceful possibility? I am not imposing my opinion here, just stating matter of factly.
Patience, tolerance, honesty are the keep stones of any strong and sustainable relationship. However, some relationships are blood relationships having slightly different fundamentals and when not working we distance ourselves from them not necessarily disconnect. With friends, if it isn’t working we never mutually acknowledge and decide to cut off, just the closeness dissipates and we find new ones. But only in the case of spouse does it get so difficult. This is a chosen relationship but over time might become passive and nonviable like any other, but unlike friends where you can keep piling on new ones without cutting out the old, you ideally have only one spouse. And when it isn’t thriving enough you need to acknowledge and address it. But if it’s beyond repair, you want to move on which needs severing the existing bond completely. This total split gives it the unholy, unnatural, atrocious character. Almost criminal in our local societies. Logically and rationally, it’s not villainous to step out of marriage if it serves only to stifle a person. No wonder, generations after mine and my own consider marriage an overrated and over-hyped phenomenon because there are no exit gates, not without inviting a lot of uncalled for labeling or slandering.
However, I might go back to the original happy idea of this post, it is people and people alone who colour our lives in beautiful and countless ways with their vibes. They make life pleasurable, memorable, cherishable, but above all they collectively give us something so extraordinary and exquisite that we are scared stiff to lose them and shot to pieces at the thought of losing our own life. These genuine connections, no wonder are proven essential for your well being. I read a beautiful quote somewhere, “I just want to be a happy vibe” and that’s what our inner circle of relationships are just a very happy vibe. And to go thankless for them would be a crime indeed.